Open marriage

First, what is the open marriage, for those who do not know. I'll copy a section of Wikipedia.

Open marriage typically refers to a marriage in which the partners agree that each may engage in extramarital sexual relationships, without this being regarded as infidelity. There are many different styles of open marriage, with the partners having varying levels of input on their spouse's activities.

History of the Term

The origins of the term open marriage remain obscure. Researchers in the 1960s used the term open marriage to describe individual freedom in choosing marriage partners. Closed marriage meant individuals had to marry someone based on social prohibitions and social prescriptions. Open marriage meant individuals could choose to marry someone based on personal preferences.

Nena O'Neill and George O'Neill changed the meaning of the term with the 1972 publication of their book Open Marriage, which sold over 1.5 million copies. The O'Neills conceived open marriage as one in which each partner has room for personal growth and can develop outside friendships. Most chapters in the book dealt with non-controversial approaches to revitalizing marriage in areas of trust, role flexibility, communication, identity, and equality. Chapter 16, entitled "Love Without Jealousy", devoted 20 pages to the proposition that an open marriage could include some forms of sexuality with other partners. These concepts entered the cultural consciousness and the term "open marriage" became a synonym for sexually non-monogamous marriage, much to the regret of the O'Neills. In the 1977 publication of The Marriage Premise, Nena O'Neill advocated sexual fidelity in the chapter of that name. By then however, the concept of open marriage as sexually non-monogamous marriage had gained a life of its own.

Today, with many committed couples not seeking formal marriage, the term is frequently generalized to 'open relationship' or 'responsible non-monogamy'.

Relationship maintenance

The impact of open marriage on relationships varies across couples. Some couples report high levels of marital satisfaction and have long-lasting open marriages. Other couples drop out of the open marriage lifestyle and return to sexual monogamy. These couples may continue to believe open marriage is a valid lifestyle, just not for them. Still, other couples experience serious problems and claim open marriage contributed to their divorces. All couples in open marriages may therefore want to pay attention to their relationship maintenance behaviors.

Ground rules

Couples involved in open marriages or relationships typically adopt a set of ground rules to guide their activities. Ground rules in relationships allow partners to coordinate their behaviors so they achieve shared goals with fewer conflicts. Some ground rules are universal in the sense they apply to virtually all relationships in a particular culture. Other ground rules apply to specific kinds of relationships, such as friendships or marriages. Still other ground rules are designed to manage romantic rivalry and jealousy. The ground rules adopted by sexually monogamous couples tend to prohibit behaviors that are viewed as acts of infidelity. The ground rules adopted by sexually open couples tend to prohibit behaviors that provoke jealousy. Partners may change the ground rules of their relationships over time. One example of a changing ground rule includes where a married couple decides to separate. Without divorcing, they are still legally married. However, they may choose to cohabitate or have sex with other persons, thus contributing to voluntary or involuntary agreement to have an open relationship.

Open marriage styles

Couples in open marriages may prefer different kinds of extramarital relationships. Couples who prefer extramarital relationships emphasizing love and emotional involvement have a polyamorous style of open marriage. Couples who prefer extramarital relationships emphasizing sexual gratification and recreational friendships have a swinging style of open marriage. These distinctions may depend on psychological factors such as sociosexuality and may contribute to the formation of separate Polyamory and Swinging communities. Despite their distinctions, however, all open marriages share common issues: the lack of social acceptance, the need to maintain the health of their relationship and avoid neglect, and the need to manage jealous rivalry. Many couples have rules such as: No emotional attachment, must use protection, never in 'our bed/home', no illegitimate children, and/or must or must not know who the other person is, and so on. Some open marriages are one sided as well. One partner who may need more sexual gratification than the other is free to seek it out where he/she sees fit, all while maintaining a functional emotional relationship with their full-time partner.

Open marriage jealousy

Couples in open marriage expose themselves to situations that can potentially provoke jealousy. Most couples in open marriages report experiencing jealousy at some point during their marriage.^{[citation needed]} Ground rules are one way to help manage jealousy in open relationships. However, ground rules may not be sufficient.^{[citation needed]} Couples in open marriages may benefit from a general understanding of jealousy and how to cope with it.^{[citation needed]}

Open marriage acceptance

Surveys show large majorities of people disapprove of extramarital sexual activity. A few studies show people specifically disapprove of open marriages. Critics have put forward moral, medical, and psychological objections to open marriages. The lack of social acceptance places pressure on couples to hide their open marriages from family, friends, and colleagues. This may limit their social support network.

Legal issues

The practice of extramarital sex is often illegal in jurisdictions where adultery is illegal, regardless of whether the partner(s) has given their consent. Open marriage is not the same thing as polygamy, where sexual relationships are not necessarily contemplated, but rather one cannot have more than one simultaneous spouse, which is said to protect individual and marital property rights.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Open_marriage

Why I am completely in favor of open marriage? Firstly, we men and women are not castrated. You will feel attraction only to your wife or your husband? So you are not man or woman, you are a castrated with a marital obligation, or try to be one. And who demands you loyalty in sex also requires you not to have your friends, your careers, your amusements, if you don't take care don't let you even leave your house except to work, to church or to visit your mother-in-law.

And if you are against and see why you are against, will find a lot of junk you have in your head, like the moral of the lack of sex or the machismo of rowdy bar goer.

You will ask: are you married? I'm not. And when you are married you think will get to leave your husbands to have sex with another woman cool? I wil, because love is wanting to see well. And who troubles if her husband fucks nice with a beautiful woman is a woman who has not content to keep a man without using a pussy or a child.

Some will ask: if is not to have exclusivity, to marry for what? Marriage is a very serious thing to be based only on sex. A couple has to have something to take pleasure of being with each other, one can not isolate the other in the world, and the two can not be together just because of an obligation and because one has only the other to make sex in peace.

Open marriage is for couples who are clever and have content. It is for those who do not need to use sex to hold someone of the opposite sex.

Some day I will write about jealousy. Kisses.

Abigail Pereira Aranha

Original in Portuguese: "Casamento aberto", at http://avezdasmulheres.wordpress.com/2010/09/14/casamento-aberto/.