Two days for the single men

Abigail Pereira Aranha

1) "Singles' Day: find out how the date celebrated in Brazil on August 15 came about" (O Tempo, August 15, 2023, excerpt)[1]

Today, August 15th, Singles' Day is celebrated in Brazil. However, in other countries, it is only celebrated on November 11th, a date that emerged in the 90s in China, more precisely at Nanjing University, and drives online sales promotions around the world.

In Brazil, Singles' Day is considered a commercial date and was established on August 15 by the company AliExpress, only in 2019. In addition, it aims to create a more positive perspective towards single status, encouraging people to appreciate their independence and freedom, instead of feeling pressured to find a partner.

Celebration can include activities such as going out with friends, buying gifts for yourself, or attending social events.

2) Notes on Men's Day and Singles' Day

July 15th is Men's Day in Brazil. International Men's Day is November 19th. Some people think it's silly to have a Men's Day and a Singles' Day, generally those who think that mature men celebrate International Women's Day and Valentine's Day. In the case of Valentine's Day, the mature man celebrates it with his own wife. But while Men's Day has jokes that it is April 1st or October 12th (Children's Day), Singles' Day does not. And the explanation may be simple: a nation of women in the Americas and Europe who were unable to find marriage, or, as we say in Brazil, "stranded" women.

Until not long ago, a single man was seen as immature and a single woman was seen as libertine. This has improved, and it was progress. But even in the 2020s, you can still see this same prejudice against one side. Clue: the 25-year-old single woman is studying or consolidating a professional career and she's not having sex with the administrative assistant while waiting for a husband with twice her salary. Oops! But with women already in the majority in universities and with preferences in the selection processes for the highest positions (because preference for cooks or workers at customer care does not count), the math does not add up. That insinuation that the attractive girl was successful in her career because she had sex with the boss or she was married to a director no longer can be taken as true, because there is a lack of men... in the right place, which is behind a great woman (and in front of her too).

But in women's victorious fight against machismo, they cannot be increasingly unhappy with their own demands and the fruits of their own attitudes. So, their self-esteem grows the older, more idiotic, undesirable and lonely they become. But it is not these individuals, there is a set of culture, of political agents, of rich people (some call it all the "system") that creates an amplifying box for these crazy women. And that is where the recent popularity of Singles' Day comes in. If we see someone celebrating "Single Men's and Single Women's Day", it will confirm my suspicion.

And I return to the issue of Men's Day assuming that a man is married or has ended a stable relationship in which he had a child, which is almost always the case. Even if a woman is married, or is in a relationship equivalent to marriage, she is treated legally and socially as an individual, including in laws specific to women (or against men). Men have not the same treatment as individuals: in general, they are husbands or fathers.

And speaking of single men, a news story in the press writen like a scandalous: "pastor says women should have sex even if they don't feel like it: 'God commanded it'"[2]. And you will see the pastor's words in the news story itself, they are very good even for those who do not believe in God (as is my case). I saw the title of the article the first time and I had the thought that I will share with you so that you can think about it too: what situation led a pastor to make an exhortation based on the Bible directed at women in the evangelical community? The biblical basis in this case is 1Co 7: 4 and 5. I have already asked the question at least once last year about when a pastor would preach the sermon that this pastor did, citing that text that says that the woman should satisfy her husband sexually. He did it and caused a stir. And while I was looking for this case, I found another similar stir last year: "'a tired wife should not deny sex to her husband', says leader of the Renascer Church"[3]. Article from Pragmatismo Político. "The speech took place on Tuesday (March 7), the eve of International Women's Day". And after telling the story, the article has the subtitle "International crime" which shows how horrible the apostle is: he has had labor lawsuits, has been arrested for fraud and, most seriously, was praised by Jair Bolsonaro. And while I was looking for the first case, I also found this gem on the Mato Grosso do Sul government page: "Domestic Violence in the Christian community"[4]. After all this, I bring you the question of what a good evangelical boy can expect from his future wife after "I chose to wait".

Oh, and I already miss having sex with married men. The ones I know are afraid to have sex with me and the ones who have had sex with me have all separated. But I don't miss these men, because most of them still have sex with me and they told me that they are even happier with our friendship, theirs with me and some who have become friends with others.

3) Notes on being a single man

Not getting married is not a boycott of the system, as the "red pill" say; it is just mental presence in reality. It is not a question of marriage or eventual divorce, it is a question of the feminine universe. You hardly know a woman you like to be around and who seems to get along well with heterosexual men. So, today it is almost hallucination for a man to believe that he knows a woman he would like to marry.

And being a single man doesn't mean much more sexual freedom. Being a single woman isn't that much freedom either. For almost 20 years I've had friends with whom I couldn't be seen because the man's wife or the boy's mother are afraid that I'll do something with him (and rightly so, and sometimes I have). As Rosa Luxemburgo said, "those who don't move don't feel the chains that bind them". I'm not in the Middle Ages or in a Muslim country, but I don't have the sexual freedom that conservatives preach that we have here. In fact, the slutty section on the blog Amélioration et Amusement des Hommes avec Abigail makes me aware of the barriers I have to overcome to do it and of the male friendships that help me do it, and the barriers that some readers will have to see it. If you, a single man, are sexually interested in a woman you know, you have little chance of getting what you want with her; usually because she's in a conventional relationship or because you're single (research has already discovered that a man attracts more women when he's married). But being a single man means (strangely enough) not having a woman to get in the way of your sex life.

Being a single man isn't exactly a choice for freedom. You, single man, have wanted to get married sometime, but each potential wife has given you a release from herself. But if you combine that with a personal choice to avoid marriage or even close contact with female universe, you've essentially freed yourself from more prisons (yes, I made a pun). It can be a reason to celebrate, to think that with all your problems, you could be worse off.

But you, a straight man, even if you are married, can also be happier for being in an underprivileged minority, because your strength will be largely your own merit. Just as almost all those who pretend to be Pharisees hide their own sins that they see in others, the lesbians who pretend to be strong and "losers" who pretend to be purse thieves hide their own weakness and the strength to whom they owe the pedestal they are on. In fact, it was essentially the work of men, the male sex, that we progressed from rural communities and one-horse towns where we barely survived and protected ourselves from large ferocious animals to cities with a series of comforts, pleasures and possibilities for mental growth. Because each man who was part of this process found something good in life and in the physical world, and instead of looking for something to say bad about, he sought and found more intimacy with the truth, with goodness, overcoming even the occasional mental poverty of a horrible environment with his inner strength and some external resources. And you, man, can find this in yourself in your life.

NOTES AND REFERENCES:

[1] "Dia dos Solteiros: saiba como surgiu a data celebrada no Brasil em 15 de agosto". O Tempo, August 15, 2023. https://www.otempo.com.br/interessa/dia-dos-solteiros-saiba-como-surgiu-a-data-celebrada-no-brasil-em-15-de-agosto-1.3170453

[2] "Pastor diz que mulher deve fazer sexo mesmo sem ter vontade: 'Deus mandou'". UOL, June 18, 2024. https://noticias.uol.com.br/cotidiano/ultimas-noticias/2024/06/18/pastor-diz-que-mulher-deve-fazer-sexo-mesmo-sem-ter-vontade-deus-mandou.htm

[3] "'Esposa cansada não deve negar sexo ao marido', diz líder da Igreja Renascer". Pragmatismo Político, March 09, 2023. https://www.pragmatismopolitico.com.br/2023/03/esposa-cansada-nao-deve-negar-sexo-ao-marido-diz-lider-da-igreja-renascer.html

[4] "Violência Doméstica no meio Cristão", Não Se Cale, Government of State of Mato Grosso do Sul, https://www.naosecale.ms.gov.br/violencia-domestica-no-meio-cristao

	Questo testo in italiano senza foto e video di dissolutezza in Réflexion et Temps Libre avec Abigail: "Due giorni per gli uomini single", https://avezdasmulheres2.blogspot.com/2024/11/due-giorni-per-gli-uomini-single.html
	Questo testo in italiano con foto e video di dissolutezza in Amélioration et Amusement des Hommes avec Abigail: "Due giorni per gli uomini single", https://avezdoshomens2.blogspot.com/2024/11/due-giorni-per-gli-uomini-single.html
	Ce texte en français sans photos et vidéos de libertinage au Réflexion et Temps Libre avec Abigail: "Deux jours pour les hommes célibataires", https://avezdasmulheres2.blogspot.com/2024/11/deux-jours-pour-les-hommes-celibataires.html
	Ce texte en français avec photos et vidéos de libertinage au Amélioration et Amusement des Hommes avec Abigail: "Deux jours pour les hommes célibataires", https://avezdoshomens2.blogspot.com/2024/11/deux-jours-pour-les-hommes-celibataires.html
	Eso texto en español sin fotos y videos de putaría en Réflexion et Temps Libre avec Abigail: "Dos días para los hombres solteros", https://avezdasmulheres2.blogspot.com/2024/11/dos-dias-para-los-hombres-solteros.html
	Eso texto en español con fotos y videos de putaría en Amélioration et Amusement des Hommes avec Abigail: "Dos días para los hombres solteros", https://avezdoshomens2.blogspot.com/2024/11/dos-dias-para-los-hombres-solteros.html
	This text in English without licentiousness photos and videos at Réflexion et Temps Libre avec Abigail: "Two days for the single men", https://avezdasmulheres2.blogspot.com/2024/11/two-days-for-single-men.html
	This text in English with licentiousness photos and videos at Amélioration et Amusement des Hommes avec Abigail: "Two days for the single men", https://avezdoshomens2.blogspot.com/2024/11/two-days-for-single-men.html
	Texto original em português sem fotos e vídeos de putaria no A Vez das Mulheres de Verdade: "Dois dias para os homens solteiros", https://avezdasmulheres.blogspot.com/2024/07/dois-dias-para-os-homens-solteiros.html
	Texto original em português com fotos e vídeos de putaria no A Vez dos Homens que Prestam: "Dois dias para os homens solteiros", https://avezdoshomens.blogspot.com/2024/07/dois-dias-para-os-homens-solteiros.html

Why do women wear sexy clothes if they don't want attention? Because what they hate is sex, not attention from men (August 29, Lesbian Visibility Day in Brazil, we'll give lesbians visibility)

Why do women wear sexy clothes if they don't want attention?

They do want attention, but if you need to ask, then they don't want it from you.

Emma Lindsay

You can connect with me on fb here if you like: https://www.facebook.com/protectingthecrushed/

Jul 5

V Threepio — Sexy Cosplay Lady

I don't wear sexy clothes. I don't wear makeup. I don't shave — anything. None of that stopped me from getting sexually assaulted, catcalled, harassed, and stalked. I have suffered because men are sexually attracted to me, and no choice I make will stop this. Refusing to conform to the norms of sexual attractiveness does not stop it. Binding my breasts does not stop it. Being read as gay does not stop it.

So why fucking bother?

If I'm going to be harassed no matter what, why not look good for the people who are respectful and who I might actually want to fuck?

I have spent a long time blaming myself for the harassment I've received, and every time that happens, I cut out another part of myself. I stop wearing things that I think I look good in so that I don't accidentally turn people on. I stop flirting with people, I stop casually affectionate touch in case it is misread. I even stopped consciously recognizing my own sexual desire in case I accidentally communicated it to other people.

I read the saddest email I sent a few years ago:

Your continued affection makes me uncomfortable. It's the same feeling as when someone I'm not into holds me in a hug too long, or someone I don't like enough grabs my boob as a joke. It's a creepy sort of feeling. I don't look down on you or think of you as a bad person or a fool, but continued conversation with you makes me feel violated in a small way. And it's ok, I'm willing to tolerate it if it helps you, but your love does not feel good to me and you should know that.

I told someone I was willing to tolerate feeling violated so that they could feel better. And, that's how I used to look at the word. I felt obligated to suffer to any degree so that male sexuality would not be inconvenienced. I carried immense guilt for men who were attracted to me and whose attractions I did not return. But, my sexuality completely shut down, and I was left unable to form romantic connections to anyone. Being unsexy led to a miserable, sterile dead end.

Why do women wear sexy clothes?

Because women are fucking horny! Because there are few socially acceptable outlets for women to communicate desire, but how they dress is one of them. Because women are looking to get fucked, just like men are.

If they're horny, why don't women appreciate your flirting with them?

I dunno — maybe because you're unattractive? I always wonder why this option never occurs to men. If a woman was rejected by a dude, her first thought would be "I'm not hot enough" but when a man is rejected by a woman, often his first thought seems to be "bitch should have taken it."

Pickup artists get a lot of flack, but there's one thing I appreciate about them: they study what turns women on, then try to embody it. If we could take some of the misogyny out of the whole thing I'm convinced the art of pickup could actually be good for society. In fact, I think part of the reason that there is so much misogyny in the community is that it is so socially unacceptable for a man to make a conscious effort to be attractive to women that many pickup artists have to maintain high levels of sexism to keep their masculinity preserved.

While sexy clothing may be one of the few socially available options for straight women to express their sexuality, it is an option often denied to straight men. Straight mythology demands that the woman be the object, and the man be the aggressor. And, similarly to how a straight women expressing an overt sexual agency opens herself up to violence, a straight man who tries too hard to be hot opens himself up to ridicule. Many pickup artists are derided for their over the top fashion choices, that they have carefully selected to turn women on.

Which is a shame.

Maybe all those dudes asking "why do women dress sexy if they don't want attention?" should be putting a little more time into their own image. Straight men should make a feminist statement by figuring out how to be hotter to women while also not becoming assholes.

Then they should get on Tinder in SF because, seriously, that shit is bleak right now.

"Why do women wear sexy clothes if they don't want attention?", Medium, July 05, 2016, https://medium.com/@emmalindsay/why-do-women-wear-sexy-clothes-if-they-dont-want-attention-16e078026010

My comments

You say women have sexual desire like men have, and you are in panic when men are interested in you. Well, you believe men are misogynist, they hate women and they use them as sexual objects. Did you mean that men and women are similar because women are misandric, they hate men and they use them as objects for vanity games? Thank you, stupid lesbian. (I commented in originals)

As we saw here, a lesbian can be dressed provocatively and can say she likes sex with no other goal beyond to mock, to despise and to vilify men and their heterosexuality. She hates men and sex, not male attention. And, I insist, a woman who doesn't show an interest in men similar to the one that men show in women is a lesbian.

In my adolescence, I had many glimpses from men while my body was becoming developed. I received some bad approaches, too. But I replied them criticizing the stupidity, not the male heterosexuality. One thing is liking women, another thing is disrespect. I said it to some men, incidentally. But I saw some man looking at me and usually I approached him kindly, saying something as "good morning". The man usually became ashamed and I said "keep calm, you can stay looking at my body, I am not annoyed about it". Sometimes, I was accompanied with my father or some of my male brothers. So (not only when I was not alone), we had a brief chat, but I made some friendships this way. If I could not find any reason else to have sex with a good typical man or to wear clothes which allow him to see my body, I would keep in mind that giving something good to good men must not make me feel bad.

P. S.: Three days ago, 52 days after, that authoress wrote "On being single, 32, and wanting children", in which she says: "I'm pretty sure I want kids. Like, 75% sure". Chy, chy, chy, chy, chy!

Abigail Pereira Aranha

	Questo testo in italiano senza filmati di dissolutezza in Men of Worth Newspaper: "Perché le donne indossano abiti sexy se loro non vogliono l'attenzione? Perché quello che loro odiano è il sesso, non è l'attenzione da parte degli uomini (29 di agosto, Giorno della Visibilità Lesbica in Brasile, vi daremo alle lesbiche visibilità)", http://avezdoshomens2.over-blog.com/2016/08/perche-le-donne-indossano-abiti-sexy-se-loro-non-vogliono-lattenzione.html.
	Questo testo in italiano con filmati di dissolutezza in Periódico de Los Hombres de Valía: "Perché le donne indossano abiti sexy se loro non vogliono l'attenzione? Perché quello che loro odiano è il sesso, non è l'attenzione da parte degli uomini (29 di agosto, Giorno della Visibilità Lesbica in Brasile, vi daremo alle lesbiche visibilità)", http://avezdoshomens2.blogspot.com/2016/08/perche-le-donne-indossano-abiti-sexy-se.html.
	Ce texte en français sans films de libertinage au Men of Worth Newspaper: "Pourquoi les femmes portent des vêtements sexy si elles ne veulent pas attention? Parce que ce qu'elles détestent est le sexe, pas l'attention des hommes (29 Août, Journée de Visibilité Lesbienne au Brésil, nous allons donner lesbiennes la visibilité)", http://avezdoshomens2.over-blog.com/2016/08/pourquoi-les-femmes-portent-des-vetements-sexy-si-elles-ne-veulent-pas-attention.html.
	Ce texte en français avec films de libertinage au Periódico de Los Hombres de Valía: "Pourquoi les femmes portent des vêtements sexy si elles ne veulent pas attention? Parce que ce qu'elles détestent est le sexe, pas l'attention des hommes (29 Août, Journée de Visibilité Lesbienne au Brésil, nous allons donner lesbiennes la visibilité)", http://avezdoshomens2.blogspot.com/2016/08/pourquoi-les-femmes-portent-des.html.
	Eso texto en español sin películas de putaría en Men of Worth Newspaper: "¿Por qué las mujeres usan ropa atractiva si ellas no quieren llamar la atención? Debido a que lo que ellas odian es el sexo, no la atención de los hombres (29 de agosto, Día de la Visibilidad Lesbiana en Brasil, vamos a dar a las lesbianas visibilidad)", http://avezdoshomens2.over-blog.com/2016/08/por-que-las-mujeres-usan-ropa-atractiva-si-ellas-no-quieren-llamar-la-atencion.html.
	Eso texto en español con películas de putaría en Periódico de Los Hombres de Valía: "¿Por qué las mujeres usan ropa atractiva si ellas no quieren llamar la atención? Debido a que lo que ellas odian es el sexo, no la atención de los hombres (29 de agosto, Día de la Visibilidad Lesbiana en Brasil, vamos a dar a las lesbianas visibilidad)", http://avezdoshomens2.blogspot.com/2016/08/por-que-las-mujeres-usan-ropa-atractiva.html.
	This text in English without licentiousness movies at Men of Worth Newspaper: "Why do women wear sexy clothes if they don't want attention? Because what they hate is sex, not attention from men (August 29, Lesbian Visibility Day in Brazil, we'll give lesbians visibility)", http://avezdoshomens2.over-blog.com/2016/08/why-do-women-wear-sexy-clothes-if-they-dont-want-attention.html.
	This text in English with licentiousness movies at Periódico de Los Hombres de Valía: "Why do women wear sexy clothes if they don't want attention? Because what they hate is sex, not attention from men (August 29, Lesbian Visibility Day in Brazil, we'll give lesbians visibility)", http://avezdoshomens2.blogspot.com/2016/08/why-do-women-wear-sexy-clothes-if-they.html.
	Texto original em português sem filmes de putaria no A Vez das Mulheres de Verdade: "Por que as mulheres usam roupas sensuais se elas não querem atenção? Porque o que elas odeiam é sexo, não a atenção dos homens (29 de agosto, Dia da Visibilidade Lésbica no Brasil, nós vamos dar visibilidade às lésbicas)", http://avezdasmulheres.over-blog.com/2016/08/por-que-as-mulheres-usam-roupas-sensuais-se-elas-nao-querem-atencao.html.
	Texto original em português com filmes de putaria no A Vez dos Homens que Prestam: "Por que as mulheres usam roupas sensuais se elas não querem atenção? Porque o que elas odeiam é sexo, não a atenção dos homens (29 de agosto, Dia da Visibilidade Lésbica no Brasil, nós vamos dar visibilidade às lésbicas)", http://avezdoshomens.blogspot.com/2016/08/por-que-as-mulheres-usam-roupas.html.

13 lies men tell themselves to stay in bad relationships

Every now and again we tell ourselves lies in order to delay making difficult changes that we know are ultimately in our best interests. We justify, minimize, rationalize and avoid the issue either because we don't want to face the negative consequences of change (e.g., alimony or less time with our children) or are deriving some benefit or secondary gain.

For example, you know your wife treats you badly and feels no remorse for doing so. You know you should leave, but don't want to be alone. So you stay in an unhealthy relationship to avoid the temporary pain and grief that ending the relationship might cause.

Deciding to leave a bad relationship with an abusive woman should be a no-brainer, but it's often a painfully difficult and heart wrenching decision for a variety of reasons.

Here are some common lies men tell themselves in an effort to avoid making this choice:

1. I'm strong. I can take it. Maybe you can, but that doesn't mean that you have to take it or should take it. The relationship with your wife or girlfriend is supposed to be about intimacy, mutuality and love; not a sentence at Guantanamo Bay.

Furthermore, you can't take it, at least not without long-term, pervasive damage to yourself - your mind, body, other relationships, career and money. Abuse (emotional, psychological, sexual, physical and financial) takes its toll in the form of cumulative trauma, specifically betrayal trauma. Sooner or later, you'll develop PTSD-like symptoms and other stress-related medical conditions.

Yes, you're strong and that's an incredible, well . . . strength. You'd have to be strong to endure the covert and overt emotional abuse and host of other crazy-making, toxic behaviors. If you have the strength to survive (by the way, surviving and thriving are not the same) in this relationship, you also have the strength to end it, whether you realize it or not.

2. It's not that bad. Yes, it is. If you're using this particular lie in order to convince yourself to stay in the relationship, keep a journal for the next 30-60 days. Journal in whatever medium is comfortable for you and that you can easily hide from your wife or girlfriend (you do not want her to discover it). Record every outburst, every time she blindsides you, criticizes you, undermines you and rejects or withdraws from you and any physical violence. Read through it on the 31st day and then try telling yourself "it's not that bad."

Seeing the daily minutiae, the venomous attacks, the disconnection to reality and the disproportionate reactions to minor absurdities in black and white can be a real eye opener. Writing it down makes it difficult to minimize, negate or question your perceptions later on. It also gives you a great record of her unpredictable and abusive behaviors should you divorce her and need evidence for a custody battle or to negate false abuse charges by her.

3. If I just work a little harder at the relationship, it will get better. I call this the "Sisyphus Syndrome." You keep pushing that boulder up the hill only to have it roll over you on its way back down. There's no winning with this woman. There's no pleasing her.

You can turn yourself inside out and upside down and it will never, ever, ever be enough. Even if you totally capitulate and submit, it won't satisfy her. In fact, this kind of woman will then insult your manhood and accuse you of being a spineless coward. No one respects a doormat - especially not an abusive high-conflict personality. She will break you and then blame you for being broken.

Bottom line: You may as well do what's good for you and, in the long run, for your kid(s) (if applicable). She'll never be happy, even if you do everything she wants you to do. Additionally, the more you focus on caring for yourself, the stronger you'll feel and be in a better place to decide if you want to stay in the abuse cycle or exit the relationship. Taking care of yourself will also have the added benefit of driving her mad. Abusers like easy targets.

4. All relationships have conflict. Conflict is healthy. Yes, but it depends on the kind of conflict, how it's handled and if it's resolvable. Blaming, name calling, demeaning, belittling and having the same fight over and over again isn't healthy conflict. Circular arguments that lead to nowhere or bringing up previous conflicts that happened months or years ago aren't healthy either.

Don't confuse her anger with passion. Never-ending irresolvable conflict isn't passion, it's pathology. Passion and intimacy require a certain degree of vulnerability. Becoming disproportionately enraged over minor issues (or things that never even happened) is a barrier to intimacy and passion. Rage often makes abusers feel powerful and invulnerable.

She desires total control and anger is the means to achieving that. It's also how to avoid intimacy. Constant criticism and other forms of abuse are not aphrodisiacs. Keeping you engaged in one pointless conflict after the next, so that you are perpetually Justifying, Arguing, Defending and Explaining (JADE) is a great way to keep you distracted. Do you even know what you're fighting about anymore or does it all seem like the same god damned thing? That's unhealthy conflict.

5. Things will get better if I'm more patient and pay closer attention to her needs and feelings. This is a variation of #3. This is also a trap. The nicer you are to this woman, the more she'll view you as weak and pathetic and interpret it as a license to steamroll you. Abusive personalities view kindness and generosity as weaknesses to exploit.

6. Sex and affection aren't important. Yes, they are. Enough said.

Seriously though, sex may not be the most important thing in a relationship, but it's right up there along with kindness and respect. Aside from shared pleasures, tension relief and physical closeness, there's oxytocin. Oxytocin is a neurotransmitter released during orgasm that's "associated with the ability to maintain healthy interpersonal relationships and healthy psychological boundaries with other people." Good stuff.

Small signs of non-physical affection are equally important. It's not the infrequent big gestures that count; it's the little things a couple does for each other that really matter over the long haul. For example, picking up the other person's dry cleaning because you happen to be in that part of town, going to a chick flick when you'd rather gouge your eyes out with red hot pokers, making the other person's favorite dinner when it's not your fave, etc.

Emotionally abusive, narcissistic and borderline women are rarely affectionate, considerate or generous - unless they're playing an angle. Doing something nice for you is experienced as a loss or degradation. They don't give without the expectation of getting something in return. In other words, there are strings attached. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life in a lopsided, nonreciprocal relationship?

7. But the sex is still good. This is a tough one. In my work, it's almost always more difficult when a man describes a litany of abuse he's suffered from his wife or girlfriend and concludes by saying, "But the sex is still good." If this resonates with you, ask yourself if the sex is about love and intimacy or if it's about screwing you into submission.

In these cases, sex is just another manipulation tool; another way to control you. The "great sex" also has nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing to do with you. It's about her feeling desirable (inflating her ego) and powerful. Some of my clients who are in relationships with hypersexual abusers eventually lose their desire even when their wife or girlfriend is still objectively "hot." This happens for a couple reasons.

One, due to the abuse outside the bedroom, they no longer trust their partners. Two, they come to realize they're being treated like human dildos. And three, no matter how beautiful their wives or girlfriends are on the outside, all they can see is the ugliness on the inside. If you're a man who rationalizes, "But the sex is still good," try going cold turkey for 60 days and then see how you feel.

8. My kid(s) are okay because she doesn't yell at them. Witnessing physical and emotional abuse is harmful to children, even when they're not being targeted. Just because your wife or girlfriend isn't currently attacking your children doesn't mean it's not affecting them.

What do you think your children are learning by observing mom's and dad's relationship dynamic? If you could choose a partner for your children when they're grown up, would you choose someone who is like their mother? By staying in the relationship, you're telegraphing that it's okay for the person who "loves" you to abuse you and that one individual's needs and feelings are more important than the other's. Additionally, when and if the children ever begin to assert their own identities and challenge mom in any way - that is if they're not terrified to do so after witnessing the way mom treats dad - they'll typically be subject to the same hot and cold abuse. This usually happens around age 10.

9. I'll lose my home, my kids and all my assets. Yes, you'll have to part with some of your assets and you won't be able to spend as much time with your children. However, if you're willing to fight like hell, prepare in advance and arm yourself with strong legal representation, you may be able to recoup your financial losses over time and hopefully forge a new and healthier relationship with your kids. Healthier because you're setting the example of not tolerating abuse in a relationship. Don't confuse being a martyr with being a parent.

Your kids are going to have issues, especially around relationships, whether you stay in the marriage or not. There's no avoiding that. It's a consequence of having children with an abusive, high-conflict or personality disordered individual. However, you'll be in a much better place to help them later on if you're healthy, strong and happy. This half lie/half truth is a fear that's often explicitly planted and encouraged by an abusive woman. She knows she has an advantage in family court just because she's a woman and she'll try to control you through your fear of loss and feelings of guilt.

10. Love conquers all. It all depends upon what you define as "love." To this kind of personality, love is control, anger and keeping others down in order to raise herself up. Do you really love her? Does your heart skip a beat when you think about her? *Please note, your heart skipping a beat should be accompanied by a smile on your lips and a twinkle in your eyes; not a panic attack.

If she wasn't your wife or girlfriend, is she the first person you'd want to hang out with? Do you feel loved and accepted for who you are? Or have you convinced yourself that you must love this woman otherwise why would you be trying so hard to make the relationship work?

Now follow the trail backwards and ask yourself where this belief came from. Has your wife or girlfriend told you it's your job to make her happy and that you "have to fight for this relationship"? Sorry fellas, that's not love; that's brainwashing. Break the spell.

11. I made a commitment and I honor my commitments. Okay, but is she honoring her commitments to you? Is she loving, honoring and cherishing you? I'm sure she thinks so. Are you honoring your commitments to yourself and your dignity as a human being? Are you respecting yourself by remaining in a destructive and abusive relationship? Are you living your best life by being with this woman or do you feel like you're serving a jail sentence?

When one partner abuses the other, she or he has reneged on the marriage vows (or other form of commitment). Abuse is a betrayal and you ultimately end up betraying yourself by staying in an abusive relationship.

12. But she needs me. Yes, she does, but not for the reasons you think. Abusers and bullies have to have a target. Narcissists, Borderlines, Sociopaths and Histrionic (Cluster B personality disorders) need narcissistic supply. This kind of person is a parasite and you're the host. She is feeding on you - whether it's for attention, money, social status or to appear "normal."

If and when you finally end your relationship, your head will probably spin at how quickly she replaces you. Oftentimes, abusers have back-up narcissistic supply waiting in the wings and, in time, she'll do to him what she's doing to you. Or, she won't recouple (at least not publicly) and portray herself as the Super Victim whose husband "abandoned" her. For the record, you don't abandon an adult, you leave an adult.

13. Everyone will think I'm a bad guy. Not true. Some people will think you're a bad guy because abusive people often conduct smear campaigns against their exes once the relationship ends. Sometimes, the smear campaign starts while you're still with them.

First of all, who cares what other people think? Let them try walking a mile in your shoes. Second, anyone who believes her BS without speaking with you isn't someone you want as a friend. Third, if you want to combat the smear campaign, speak up. Talk to the people who matter the most to you and let them know what's going on and the abuse you've suffered. Answer their questions. Stop protecting your abuser from the consequences of her behavior and take care of yourself!

Abusive women and men are liars - inveterate, pathological liars. Their lies will hurt you and engender profound feelings of betrayal, so don't compound matters by lying to yourself. "Sunlight is said to be the best of disinfectants; electric light the most efficient policeman" (Justice Louis D. Brandeis). Once you acknowledge the truth and reality of your relationship and exactly who and what your partner is, you can no longer lie to yourself. And that is the first step towards healing.

Want to Say Goodbye to Crazy? Buy it HERE.

Shrink4Men Coaching, Counseling and Consulting Services:

Dr Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD provides confidential, fee-for-service coaching, counseling and consulting to both men and women via telephone or Skype. Her practice combines practical advice, support, reality testing and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Shrink4Men Services page for professional inquiries.

Photo credit:

Pinocchio puppet by Abstract-Thinking on flickr.

If you're finding this content helpful, consider donating

If you find the information I provide free of charge helpful and valuable here on Shrink4Men, please consider making a donation via PayPal to help me maintain the site.

Shrink4Men Services, August 29, 2015, http://shrink4men.com/2015/08/29/13-lies-men-tell-themselves-to-stay-in-bad-relationships

	Original text in English at Shrink4Men Services: 13 Lies Men Tell Themselves to Stay in Bad Relationships, http://shrink4men.com/2015/08/29/13-lies-men-tell-themselves-to-stay-in-bad-relationships
	Original text in English reproduced at Men of Worth Newspaper / Concrete Paradise: 13 Lies Men Tell Themselves to Stay in Bad Relationships, http://avezdoshomens2.blog.com/2015/09/15/13-lies-to-stay-in-bad-relationships
	Original text in English reproduced at Periódico de Los Hombres de Valía / Paraíso Tangible: 13 Lies Men Tell Themselves to Stay in Bad Relationships, http://avezdoshomens2.blogspot.com/2015/09/13-lies-men-tell-themselves-to-stay-in.html
	Tradução para o português no A Vez das Mulheres de Verdade: 13 mentiras que os homens dizem a si mesmos para permanecerem em maus relacionamentos, http://avezdasmulheres.blog.com/2015/09/15/13-mentiras-para-permanecerem-em-maus-relacionamentos
	Tradução para o português no A Vez dos Homens que Prestam: 13 mentiras que os homens dizem a si mesmos para permanecerem em maus relacionamentos, http://avezdoshomens.blogspot.com/2015/09/13-mentiras-que-os-homens-dizem-si.html

The end is coming: a single mother agrees with the Real, the Brazilian community of antifeminism and male personal improvement

	Bom Dia! Vi o post de vocês que falava sobre Mãe Solteira e MSOL, algo assim. Não quis publicar para não causar brigas... eu sempre visito a página e gosto do que fala aqui, cheguei a falar da página e do Doutrinador para meu irmão poder acompanhar. Bom, é o seguinte: a real é que quando se tem filhos, se relacionar com outro homem é difícil, o relacionamento às vezes fica conturbado devido a brigas, ciúmes por parte dos filhos, o ex marido sempre ali (ele é o pai, fazer o quê?), às vezes os filhos não respeitam o cara, às vezes o cara não gosta dos seus filhos, a gente tem medo de alguém bater, estuprar ou sei lá... como confiar em alguém? Vish! É bem complicado, por isso respeito a opinião de quem prefere não se relacionar com mãe solteira. A realidade é bem diferente da que pintam por aí, como se fosse um conto de fadas onde todo mundo se dá bem... no mundo real dos relacionamentos é diferente. Eu sou mãe solteira e entendo [o] ponto de vista de vocês, gosto da página e não fico ofendida com as postagens! (Metendo a Real, https://www.facebook.com/blogmetendoareal/photos/a.414732875316910.1073741828.414711658652365/650248815098647/?type=1)
	Good Morning! I saw the post of you that spoke on Single Mothers and MSOL [Mãe SOLteira, single mother], something like this. I did not want to publish for not to cause fights... I always visit the page and like what is said here, I even talked about this page and about Doutrinador so my brother could follow. Well, is this: the real is that when a woman has children, having a relationship to another man is difficult, the relationship is sometimes troubled because of fights, jealousy from the children, the former husband always there (he is the father, what can be done?), sometimes the children do not respect the guy, sometimes the guy does not like your children, we are afraid of someone beating, raping or something... how to trust someone? Virgin Mary! It is quite complicated, so I respect the opinion of those who prefer not having a relationship with a single mother. The reality is quite different of what is depicted all around, as it was a fairy tale where everyone gets along... in the real world of relationships is different. I am a single mother and I understand the point of view of you, I like the page and I'm not offended by your posts! (Metendo a Real, https://www.facebook.com/blogmetendoareal/photos/a.414732875316910.1073741828.414711658652365/650248815098647/?type=1)
	Buongiorno! Ho visto il posto di voi che ha parlato sulle madri nubili e MSOL [Mãe SOLteira, madre nubile], qualcosa di simile. Non volevo pubblicare per non provocare risse... ho sempre visitato la pagina e me piace ciò che viene detto qui, ho anche parlato di questa pagina e su Doutrinador così mio fratello possa seguire. Beh, è ​​questo: il reale è che quando una donna ha figli, avere una relazione con un altro uomo è difficile, il rapporto è a volte travagliato a causa di lotte, gelosie dai bambini, l'ex marito sempre lì (lui è il padre, cosa può essere fatto?), a volte i bambini non rispettano il ragazzo, a volte il ragazzo non ama i tuoi figli, abbiamo paura di qualcuno battere, stuprare o qualcosa... come fidarsi di qualcuno? Vergine Maria! È piuttosto complicato, quindi io rispetto l'opinione di coloro che preferiscono non avere un rapporto con una madre nubile. La realtà è ben diversa di ciò che è raffigurato in tutto, come era una favola in cui tutti vanno d'accordo... nel mondo reale delle relazioni è diverso. Io sono una madre nubile e capisco il punto di vista di voi, mi piace la pagina e non sono offesa dai vostri post! (Metendo a Real, https://www.facebook.com/blogmetendoareal/photos/a.414732875316910.1073741828.414711658652365/650248815098647/?type=1)
	¡Buenas Mañanas! Vi el postaje de que hablaba sobre las madres solteras y MSOL [Mãe SOLteira, madre soltera], algo como esto. Yo no quería publicar para no causar peleas... yo siempre visito la página y me gusta lo que se dice aquí, yo incluso hablé de esta página y sobre Doutrinador para mi hermano poder seguir. Bueno, es la siguiente: lo real es que cuando una mujer tiene hijos, tener una relación con otro hombre es difícil, la relación es a veces problemática debido a las peleas, celos de los hijos, el ex marido siempre allí (él es el padre, ¿qué se puede hacer?), a veces los niños no respetan el chico, a veces el chico no le gusta a sus hijos, tenemos miedo de alguien golpear, violar o algo así... ¿cómo confiar en alguien? ¡Virgen María! Es bastante complicado, así que yo respeto la opinión de los que prefieren no tener una relación con una madre soltera. La realidad es muy diferente de lo que se muestra por todas partes, como se fuera un cuento de hadas donde todo el mundo se lleva bien... en el mundo real de las relaciones es diferente. Soy una madre soltera y entiendo el punto de vista de ustedes, ¡me gusta la página y no estoy ofendida por sus postajes! (Metendo a Real, https://www.facebook.com/blogmetendoareal/photos/a.414732875316910.1073741828.414711658652365/650248815098647/?type=1)

Are men who are not good?

Abigail Pereira Aranha

Let's face it. What men get the most beautiful and hot women? Are not those who have money? How many men want to be good husbands to the women and receive kicks, complaints one after another, cheating? How many men want to have a friendship with a female co-worker, a female school classmate, a female neighbor and only get kicks or she does not even talk with him unless she needs something? Which men have the most dedicated women? Are not the more so-called macho?

And when the woman wants to marry? She seeks an intelligent man, who treats her well, who wants to have a partner rather than a shadow, preferably a nice kitty? Sometimes yes. But most want a sucker with money who can give good life for the slut, an hypocritical and ignorant moralist or any man more or less just to not get to auntie.

A woman knows that her hubby stayed with another woman. And hubby is so jealous. A jealous man when is not moralist is womanizer. She felt nice to be forbidden to talk, to have male friends, to have fun. She did not think that good women have no life outside of marriage and that good sex is something a whore? Hang on.

That some men are not good is true. That some men have wonderful women and do not value it is true. But many women do not have their own brightness, they make the kind my pussy is my treasure and find man who does not pay because they do nothing to deserve to attract good thing.

What woman talk with an intelligent man, man of character, friendly, but that does not have those exquisite clothes and just travel by bus? Many women know good men who are very cool and they are no longer friends of them because of half a dozen which were bad fathers, bad boyfriends, bad husbands, or because they earn little, or because they are too smart for them. Then they prefer flatter bosses, fuck with dealers, just chat with friends of her boyfriend.

An intelligent woman (not that pretending to be intellectual), who has good male friends, who gives value for those who like her, who has no frills to get close to man (and even grab a cool and clever kitten now and then) may find crap, but she don't have that conversation that men does not pay. To say that man does not pay, that a woman does not need a man, it is something of a unloved lesbian.